Mental Health Toolbox
Self-kindness. Common humanity. Mindfulness.
The Mental Health Toolbox is full of strategies, insights, and tools to help you support your mental well-being on your own terms.
Self-compassion
You may have been told to be kinder to yourself or be more forgiving, but you might not know exactly what that looks like! Self-compassion refers to holding a positive and caring attitude toward yourself in the face of life’s daily challenges. Studies show that self-compassion can be a powerful tool for coping with stress, regulating negative emotions, and developing.
Self-care vs. self-compassion — what’s the difference?
Self-care involves practices that improve your mental and physical well-being. While self-care practices are beneficial, they may not be practices one has the time/resources to implement regularly. On the other hand, self-compassion is a 24/7 accessible mindset that can help you overcome or adapt to stressors. While self-care can help reduce stress, self-compassion can help combat stress from even developing in the first place!
Example 1: You lose your wallet
| Instead of thinking this… | Try practicing self-compassion |
|---|---|
| “I’m so stupid for being so forgetful. How can I be so careless?” | “I’m really frustrated with this situation, and I wish I didn’t have to deal with it. But me losing my wallet doesn’t mean I need to berate myself for it– losing something doesn’t make me deserving of cruelty.” |
Example 2: You have some social blunder
| Instead of thinking this… | Try practicing self-compassion |
|---|---|
| “Jeez, that was so embarrassing. I bet people are judging me for it.” | “This can happen to anyone, and everyone has done something embarrassing at some point in their lives. They deserved forgiveness and understanding for and I do too.” |
Example 3: You had a bad interview
| Instead of thinking this… | Try practicing self-compassion |
|---|---|
| “I can’t believe I bombed that. I should’ve done better.” | “It already happened, so there’s no point in thinking of what I should have done instead. This is not the end of the world. I’ll keep what I struggled with in mind for the future and try to improve on it.” |
Impostor syndrome
In college, many students may find themselves feeling out of place and disconnected from their success. These feelings can create a sense of impostor syndrome, resulting in one underestimating their abilities or feeling fraudulent in their achievements.
Self-compassion can be a helpful buffer to lessen feelings of impostor syndrome! By adopting a compassionate mindset for yourself, it may be easier to recognize personal successes and achievements.
Impostor syndrome can feel isolating, but is it common? Across 62 studies, it was found that 56%-85% of college students experienced feelings of impostor syndrome.
Self-compassion exercise
Buffering impostor feelings with kindness: Next time you doubt your achievements or aren’t giving yourself enough credit, try congratulating yourself as if you were talking to a friend! It can often be easier to celebrate others’ achievements before our own.
Example 1: A class is more difficult than anticipated
| Instead of thinking this… | Try practicing self-compassion |
|---|---|
| “I am not doing that great in this class. I don’t think I am smart enough to be in it.” | “This is a difficult class, AND I can be forgiving of myself. I deserve to be here. I can always ask for help.” |
Example 2: Accepting new opportunities
| Instead of thinking this… | Try practicing self-compassion |
|---|---|
| “I just got lucky, and that’s why I got the job.” | “I am qualified and a hard worker. I earned this job because I was the best candidate.” |
Coping
Coping mechanisms are methods we utilize when faced with difficult situations to overcome them. There are 3 different types of coping that we practice:
- Problem-focused coping – acting on the source of our stress directly
- Emotional approach coping – seeking emotional support from the source and causes of our stress
- Emotional avoidance coping – avoiding a situation or choosing not to address it, some can be appropriate to the situation, others can be harmful
Coping vs. self-compassion
Coping can offer you methods to respond to and manage stressful situations. These practices are helpful while actively dealing with them as they arise in your life.
Self-compassion takes these coping mechanisms and utilizes positive ones that benefit your health and well-being. These practices are done routinely and can prevent the need for reactionary coping skills, as self-compassion helps to manage your overall well-being!
Planning
The fast pace of the quarter system is starting to take a toll on your organizational skills, and you are getting overwhelmed. Taking some time to sit down and plan out your week to work and find times to do something relaxing you enjoy can help you feel more secure and in control of your workload.
Emotional support
You received a poor letter grade for a challenging midterm you prepared for. Talking to a friend about how you are feeling usually helps release a lot of stress after initially facing a difficult situation. With their help, you can center yourself and realize you did the best you could under your circumstances.
Worry or rumination
You just turned in your term paper and are anxiously waiting for your results. You spend the whole week stressing about what you could have done better or how a negative score would affect you. While you have no more control over the results, you can take your mind off the situation by doing something beneficial you enjoy, like spending time with your friends, working on your hobbies, or treating yourself to your favorite meal!
Procrastination
Procrastination is a form of coping with challenging emotions and negative moods (example: boredom, anxiety, insecurity, frustration, resentment, self-doubt). Procrastination is not a character flaw or time management problem; it’s about how you regulate your emotions!
Self-compassion helps us face our problems directly and deal with them in a mature and balanced way.
Self-care vs. procrastination — which is which?
Think about what causes you to procrastinate. Do you feel as though you’re not smart enough to complete the assignment? Do you not know what the process for making a doctor’s appointment is? Identifying the underlying feeling you’re experiencing can help you move past procrastination more quickly.
Self kindness
Forgive yourself:
- Example: “I should indeed have gotten started earlier, but the best thing to do now is to forgive myself for delaying and focus on getting started.”
Change the inner self-critical voice in your head: soften your self-critical voice with compassion.
- Example: “I know you’re worried about me, but the way you’re talking causes me unnecessary pain.”
Humanity
Understand that self-judgment and procrastination are human responses to human experiences. Talk things over with friends/community/family, even ranting or complaining can help alleviate stress.
Mindfulness
Take a few moments to express gratitude for some source of goodness in your life before resuming your tasks of the day. Notice that you are actively working to create more ease and better coping around whatever you choose to do next, which instills confidence in yourself to take similar actions the next time you encounter a similar problem.
Social life
Your social life while in college serves as a major outlet for the day-to-day stresses our schedules cause. Maintaining a healthy social life can help you feel a proper balance in your life, but it is essential that treating yourself kindly is not sacrificed for your social life. Knowing when you want to go out, and also feeling that it is okay to say “no” to events you don’t want to attend, are the first two steps in maintaining a healthy social life!
Self-compassion in a party setting
- Don’t push yourself to do things you don’t find fun.
- Social settings can be difficult, so staying within your comfort zone while in those settings can make it more enjoyable for you!
- Acknowledge any elephants in the room.
- If something really bothers you, let a close friend know!
Saying “no” when it’s right for you
Your friends want you to go out, but you’ve had an exhausting day.
“I know you really want me to go out tonight, but I have had a really long and tiring day and would love to just rest for tonight. Thank you for the invite!”
But also say yes!
Giving yourself more opportunities to meet others can really ease the process! Students who spend 1-5 hours a week doing extracurriculars say it’s easier to meet new friends when compared to students who spend 0 hours a week branching out!
Taking time for yourself in a relationship
Your partner enjoys playing video games while you like crocheting. It’s important to take time for yourself while dating. Do things that you love! If you don’t like being physically away from your partner, try “body doubling.” Crochet while your partner plays video games. It keeps you both happy and connected.