Healthy Relationships
Every relationship is different, but all healthy
relationships have:
- Safety
- Respect
- Communication
- Support
- Comfort
- Independence
- Honesty
- Trust
- Boundaries
Building healthy relationships
- Voice your boundaries, concerns, and what makes you feel safe. Your partner(s) can’t read your mind. To have your needs met, you must communicate them. Also, give your partner(s) the chance to share their needs.
- Respect each other’s wishes and feelings.
- Disagreements are normal—even in healthy relationships. When dealing with conflicts, understand your intentions: Are you expressing your feelings, or trying to hurt your partner(s)?
- Meet halfway to make compromises, not sacrifices. Healthy relationships aren’t about one person always getting their way. No one should have to give up what makes them feel safe or comfortable to accommodate others.
- Respect each other’s privacy. Healthy relationships include autonomy and space.
Healthy conflict resolution
Conflicts in relationships are normal and inevitable, so learning to handle them healthily is important. They often arise from differences in values, ideas, or desires. Even small conflicts can trigger strong feelings that impact the relationship.
The first step in resolving conflict is understanding your own needs. Without this, it’s hard to find a true resolution. Once you know your feelings and values, you can better understand your partner’s needs. Misunderstanding these differences can lead to distance, arguments, or breakups.
Successful conflict management relies on each partner’s ability to:
- Manage stress while staying alert and calm. Staying calm helps you accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
- Control your emotions and behavior. When you manage your emotions, you can express your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing others.
- Pay attention to the feelings being expressed, as well as the spoken words.
- Be aware of and respect differences. Avoiding disrespectful words and actions helps resolve problems more quickly.
Adapted with permission from the UC Davis CARE office.
Consent means you and your partner(s) are both okay with sexual activity.
Consent should be:
- Freely given — No coercion, pressure, or intimidation involved.
- Enthusiastic — Look for a clear “hell yes!” not a lukewarm “whatever…”
- Clear and affirmative — You know through verbal and nonverbal cues that the person is on board.
- Informed — Consent cannot be given if the person is under the influence, unconscious, or otherwise unable to understand what is happening.
- Ongoing — Your partner has the right to change their mind or stop at any time. Consent to one thing does not imply consent to everything.
How do I know if I have consent?
Ask your partner directly and pay attention to their body language. If they say “yes” but their body language says “no,” stop and check in to see what’s going on.
Asking for consent doesn’t have to kill the mood. Here are some examples of sexy ways to ask:
- “I really want to kiss you right now. Would that be okay?”
- “Would you like it if I touched you here?” [indicate where]
- “It’s hot when we __________. Are you down with that?”
- “Does this feel good?”
- “Where do you like being kissed the most?”
- “Can we try something new?”
Sexual activity should always be consensual. If it isn’t, it is sexual assault.